Why Are We So Afraid to Share Our Voice With The World?

Wednesday, May 2, 2018

I have no desire to be a spectator in this life.

I think back to a pivotal moment in my young life … I was sitting in a movie theatre, alone, in the middle of the day, watching Nerve. Now, Nerve is basically about a game where people sign up to be players and compete in dares or challenges. For those who don’t want to participate in the challenges, they can log on as a viewer and watch people complete insane tasks. In the movie a young girl signs up on the site and the screen asks her one simple question …

Are you a watcher or a player?

Bingo. Cue me having an existential moment in the middle of a nearly empty theatre. Am I a watcher or a player? For so long I have been a watcher, an observing member of society occasionally throwing in my opinion when warranted. I’ve watched pop culture ebb and flow, I’ve watched artists debut their art, I’ve listened to music of talented individuals, I’ve read books by other authors that have described my innermost thoughts, and I’ve watching influencers and friends alike journey through the process of finding themselves and manifesting their dreams.

But I don’t want to be a watcher. I want to be a player. I want to experience life fully, loudly, and to be a visible participant. I want to invite people into my world and allow them to accompany on my journey. I want to share my words. And honestly, I’m struggling with doing it.

I was watching Shay Mitchell’s channel trailer on Youtube (which, if you aren’t following her #shaycation series go watch for a serious dose inspiration), when she brought up her philosophy on life. She said that she believes in a life full of adventure, and she’s willing to try anything once.

I’m still sharpening my exact philosophy, but I know I want to live passionately. And that involves listening to my heart, following where it leads, silencing fear, and learning to take chances. And a large portion of that is sharing more of myself with the world. Why are we so afraid to do that? And more personally, why am I afraid to do that? So I took some time to really reflect and come up with honest answers.

Answer #1: A Fear of Being Irrelevant

There’s a fear that I’ll share myself and my work with the world and nobody will care. It will go unnoticed, and I’ll have spent all this time and energy pouring myself into something people deem irrelevant (which in turn will make me feel irrelevant).

Answer #2: A Fear of the Accountability and Responsibility That Comes With Being Vocal

Okay, let me be blunt. I am a Gemini who gets bored easily, and has trouble committing to one thing for extended periods of time. That includes: trains of thoughts, projects, jobs, a favorite movie, foods, a place to live, a wardrobe, etc. (Although oddly enough I’m pretty stable in relationships … when I want to be, that is). So yes, the idea of having to accept the accountability and responsibility that comes with presenting my work and being a visible ‘player’ is not exactly thrilling to me. For example, I spent two years writing a book. Okay, cool. Wait, now you want me to spend a bunch of time promoting that book? It’s too much. I can’t.

*deep sigh* I’m working on it, guys.

Answer #3: A Fear of People Knowing Too Much About Me

I love being mysterious. I may borderline be addicted to it. I get a thrill out of being elusive and hard to read. There’s nothing that excites me more than people saying, “I don’t know much about you.” (It’s weird, I know. Bear with me). So the thought of people knowing intimate details about me is off-putting. But I realize I can’t hide forever. If I want to be visible, I actually have to be visible and let people in.

Although, don’t be surprise if I devote my entire career to finding a way of being visible … mysteriously. *wickedly evil laugh*

Answer #4: Not Knowing How to Articulate What I Want to Say

I struggle with articulating myself. I know, it’s weird for a writer to struggle so much with words, but I do. So at times I refrain from sharing my voice with the world, because I’m afraid of it coming across wrong or people not quite getting it.

So after a bit of reflection these are my answers, these are my reasons I’ve personally been afraid to share my voice with the world. And you know what? I’m working on unraveling each and every one of them. It’ a process, but like I said I have no desire to simply be a spectator in this life. And if it takes a little bit of discomfort, risk, and courage to share my voice with the world, so be it. I’m here to be a player. Time to start facing those fears.

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