May Letter 2018

Tuesday, May 1, 2018

Dear You,

I find myself deep breathing a lot lately. Inhale, hold for five seconds, exhale. Repeat. I even download Calm App to follow their breathing program. I guess it's my way of slowing down, my way of reminding myself I'm here, I'm alive, I'm living.

I started April not sure if I'd see my 25th birthday. Not very pretty, but honest. Very honest. I started April with such detachment, a complete absence of faith or hope, and something akin to a frigid stagnation. But as I leave April and enter the wondrous month of May, I feel exhilarated. No, reinvigorated. Yes, reinvigorated is the better world. I feel full of life again, and excitement. I can't quite describe it to the best of my abilities, but I feel possibility. For the first time in awhile I feel alive. And God am I swooning over that.

I also feel a touch of fear. In 25 days I will release my debut book, a collection of poetry that took over a year and a half of my life. In 25 days I will share something so insanely personal with the world, and while most days I rejoice, some day I am nervous ... hesitant. I guess that's another reason I've been deep breathing so much, an attempt to work through moments of panic. 

I'm also trying many new things, sharing intimate moments through video, posting more personal things on my instagram, etc. Each time I share something there's a weight of doubt that drops 'will they get it? will it resonate? will they understand? or is it just silly?' I'm learning to forge forward through it (something I probably wouldn't have done a year ago). I'm learning to share myself with the world, and I'm learning that you have to give people the opportunity to fall in love with you; to fall in love with your talent.

I also turn 25 in 25 days. And while I've never been a birthday person something feels ... magical about this one. I don't want to step into 25 with negativity, doubt, or hesitancy. I want 25 to be bold, passionate, and flourishing. And I truly believe it will. 

I'll spend May in-between Vegas and Atlanta. There will be fun to be had in Vegas (pool parties, nightclubs, grand openings, events, WNBA games, etc) and work to be done in Atlanta (but done alongside the support of my friends and family). Honestly I'm just grateful to have made it today, this far, and I'm excited to see what May brings.

I'm also very excited for the world to read my book on May 25th. 

Until then I'll be deep breathing. 
*Inhale ... hold ... exhale.*

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